Charm City Jukebox

The bet was this: Could I come up with a playlist before our other friend showed up? I was sitting at a fairly well known sports bar in the shadow of Camden Yards with my friends Lucy and Eric and we were on our way to a fair bit of tipsy. I told them it would be done in a few minutes, let alone before Cassie, the other friend (who’s also notorious for running ridiculously late), showed up.

“But don’t let it be filled with all that pretentious crap you usually listen to,” Eric said.

I scoffed at this for two reasons: First, I’ve never thought anything I listen to is steeped in pretension, Arcade Fire aside. Second, coming from Eric, that was a rather hollow dig. You see, Eric is a good friend and a great guy, but he has the music taste of a drunk thirteen year old girl in 2001. His computer is filled with songs (see, I almost said albums, but I’m sure he buys songs rather than albums) by artists like  Blink 182, Bloodhound Gang, and Say Anything. Our music tastes clash violently, but have been known to come together before.  A good example of this is Stevie Wonder’s hit “Superstition.” It helps that the song has been replayed time and time again over commercials during the time we most often spend together, watching the Ravens kick the shit out of anyone who crosses their path on Sunday afternoons.

I can understand where he’s coming from, though. Some of the bands I listen to are about as far from his taste as possible, and take themselves probably too seriously for their own good. I mean, you’d catch Colin Meloy of The Decemberists masturbating to hardcore BDSM porn in public before you’d catch him listening to The Bloodhound Gang. He’d think the music beneath him, and it’d be because he takes what he produces seriously. The Bloodhound Gang obviously does not.

Here’s where creating the playlist became tricky, then. The original idea was just to create a list before Cassie showed up and one clean enough to play in a respected bar, but with Eric’s comment it quickly became a test of pretentiousness. Could I make a list that not only was really good, but accessible enough for everyone in the bar to enjoy it, including my musically-stunted friend Eric?

I made an attempt. I will give you the entire playlist here, then break it down, song by song, exactly how well I did. I will be judging the  list both by the construction and the pretension factor. Each song will have a rating (1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest) based on flow from song to song, how well it does in the theme of the list, exactly how pretentious it is, and whether or not both the bar and Eric and Lucy would approve.

(There also, along with any playlist I make for someone, was a secondary objective to inform and educate those who have not heard the songs before. In this aspect, the list was for Lucy: Most of the songs were ones I thought she hadn’t heard and probably should.)

“3-Way (The Golden Rule) by The Lonely Island featuring Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga

As a starting song: I thought this would get the list off on a funny and positive note, and it works. Rating: 9

Theme: Musically, it’s pretty different from everything else on the list, due to it’s distinct Lonely-Island-does-the-90s sound. Rating: 5

Pretension factor: This song doesn’t even attempt to take itself seriously. I mean, the use of the word “diggity” twice in a line seals it. Rating: 2

Will it play in the bar?: No. It’s about a devil’s threeway – that is not appropriate for the children in the bar. Why where there children in the bar? I don’t fucking know. It’s a goddamn bar. Whatever. That’s my problem. Rating: 3

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: I can’t imagine why not. Rating: 9

Verdict: While I found a song that may play in Eric and Lucy’s house, it’s probably not appropriate for a bar. Rejected.

“Dirty Song” by Cars Can Be Blue

Flow: It’s a good second song, and with the drumstick intro, it can follow any song. Rating: 10

Theme: An interesting choice, and perhaps put there just to shock. Doesn’t play well with others. Rating: 4

Pretension Factor: Again, I was trying to find a song I thought didn’t take itself seriously, and I got that. Rating: 2

Will it play in the bar?: No. Rating: 0

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: I’d like to think so. Rating: 7

Verdict: Oops. I kind of forgot this was to be played in public. Rejected.

“Let It Be Me” by Sam & Dave

Flow: Perhaps a bit too much of a slowdown. Rating: 6

Theme: This sort of hits the head on the nail, and kind of was the song I built the rest of the list around. Rating: 10

Pretension Factor: This is sort of straddling the line, as it’s a cover, and perhaps not the most well known Sam & Dave song. And since Sam & Dave aren’t exactly household names anymore, it’s kinda tough. But it sounds like it was on every radio station in 1967. Rating: 5

Will it play in the bar?: Without a doubt. It would fade into the background quite nicely. Rating: 10

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: Lucy would love the song, but I don’t think it’s quite in Eric’s oeuvre. Rating: 5 (splitting the difference)

Rating: It’d certainly play in Peoria (if Peoria was in Detroit), but I don’t think it’d satisfy my toughest critic. Conditional Acceptance

“Evidence” by Candi Staton

Flow: Perfect flow from the last song. Rating: 10

Theme: Fits in like a good di…uh, nevermind. Rating: 10

Pretension factor: I’d say nearly nil, but who the hell is Candi Staton? Well, who cares, it sound familiar. Rating: 1

Will it play in the bar?: Can’t imagine why not. Rating: 10

Will Eric and Lucy Like it?: They both should. Lucy would definitely like it, and Eric probably would have no qualms with it. Rating: 7

Verdict: A virtual slam dunk. Accepted.

“Work All Day” by Portugal. The Man

Flow: I think this song works well to follow soul music; it has such a great back-beat. Rating: 8

Theme: Now that we’ve gotten to the more recent music, I think this fits in quite nicely. Rating: 8

Pretension factor: It sounds like something that’d be on the radio, but the name of the band is an issue; however, that only becomes an issue when someone tells you about it. Rating: 5

Will it play in the bar?: Yeah, it has a good enough beat to be enjoyable. Rating: 7

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: I think they really would. I picked this song specifically to test their tastes. Rating: 7

Verdict: I’d bet on this song working well. Accepted

“How Long Will I Have To Wait For You?” by Sharon Jones and The Dap-Kings

Flow: Man, I am on a roll here. Rating: 10

Theme: 70′s sounding soul in a contemporary setting? Hells to the yeah. Rating: 10

Pretension factor: While not the most well known band out there, they are fairly popular, and with that universal sound, why wouldn’t they be? Rating: 2

Will it play in the bar?: Why isn’t this playing already? Rating: 10

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: Lucy, without a question. If Eric has like some of the other stuff on this list, he should like this song. Rating: 8

Verdict: C’mon. Slam dunk, NBA Jams style. Boom shaka laka!

“Rich Girl” by the bird and the bee

Flow: Oh man, this is the song I was waiting for, and when it starts, people know they were waiting for it too. Rating: 9

Theme: Exactly what I was going for! Rating: 10

Pretension factor: Well, it’s a cover, and it’s by a band that doesn’t capitalize its name, but it’s fucking Hall and Oates. It’s patently ridiculous, and treated as such. Rating: 1

Will it play in the bar?: Will it? People will be laughing all over themselves. Rating: 10

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: Perhaps. It’s tough, because Hall and Oates sucks, but this is a seriously awesome cover, both in music and message. I’d bet yes. Rating: 6

Verdict: It’s too big to fail! More than likely.

“Forgot About Dre” by Dr. Dre featuring Eminem 

Flow: Kind of a huge change, but it works. Almost. Rating: 6

Theme: Uh, this is different. It’s an R.A. Dickey knuckleball. Rating: 2

Pretension factor: Nil. It has Eminem, Slim Shady style, before he became an “artist,” when he was gleefully homophobic. Rating: 0

Will it play in the bar?: I’d say no, but if I wanted to, I could find an edited version and it would work. But I won’t! Rating: 3

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: They’d appreciate the irony. Rating: 8

Verdict: If it was edited, it would work. Conditional Acceptance

“Hold On” by The Alabama Shakes

Flow: I think we just entered a different section of the list. This does not flow well from the last song. Rating: 1

Theme: It does work in the longer scheme; it has that old+new sound I’m totally obsessed with. Rating: 7

Pretension factor: I wish these guys were more well known. And I know they just played on SNL, but does anyone really watch SNL anymore? (Okay, “YOLO” was pretty fucking hilarious.) And I also know they’ve been all over the music scene and in Rolling Stone and all over the music blogs (including this one!), but I can’t imagine 70% of America knows who they are. Rating: 8

Will it play in the bar?: I mean, ostensibly yes, but it would just as soon be ignored as it would be enjoyed. Rating: 6

Would Eric and Lucy like it?: Doubtful that Eric would like it, but I hold up hope. I’m also hopeful Lucy knows and likes this song already, because it’s balling. Rating: 6

Verdict: Perhaps a bit over the heads of the sports bar audience. Conditionally rejected

“Someday” by Middle Brother

Flow: I think this song follows well from the last song, and brings a necessary pick-me-up. Rating: 8

Theme: I like the sound of this song. It’s a what if: What if the Beatles went to Detroit in the 60s instead of India? I think they’d sound like this. Rating: 9

Pretension factor: Well, it’s a folk rock supergroup, so it’s certainly not gonna run up the charts. But the sound is so very accessible. Rating: 5

Will it play in the bar?: Yeah. I think it’s upbeat enough to be enjoyable to the masses. Rating: 7

Would Eric and Lucy like it?: I’d like to think they’d both like it, but I have doubts. Big, screaming, in my face doubts. Rating: 4

Verdict: I think it might work, and it’d make a few people reach for their phones for their music-tagging-app-of-choice to figure out who it is, which I think is a win. Acceptable

“Never Forget You” by Noisettes

Flow: Perfect. Rating: 10

Theme: I knew this song had to happen eventually. Rating: 10

Pretension factor: Well, they’re well known in Europe, but so is fucking soccer, and they even call it something different over there. It’s a great sound, though, and with the success of Amy Winehouse and her untimely death, people might be looking for something to fill that void, and these guys could easily do that (though without the rampant drug use [I assume]). Rating: 6

Will it play in the bar?: Yeah, most definitely. Another Shazam-able song. I know if I hadn’t heard this song before, I’d want to know who did it. Rating: 8

Would Eric and Lucy like it?: Lucy would, without a doubt. I have a feeling it’s pop-y enough to grow on Eric. Rating: 7

Verdict: Oh, hell yeah. This song is prime bar fodder. Accepted

“Float On” by Modest Mouse

Flow: With the slow exit to the previous song and slow entrance to this song, the flow could only be improved if the note this song starts with was in the same key as the last song. Rating: 9

Theme: Indie rock with a big beat? There’s a surprise. Rating: 9

Pretension factor: Well, here’s the thing. I’d like to think this song is really well known, and it should be, as it was freaking sampled by Lupe Fiasco. Then again, I’m not willing to bet the people who listen to Lupe Fiasco know from whence the sample came. Rating: 5

Would it play in the bar?: It’s Baltimore, and the crowd was mostly 20-30 year old white people. I’d bet heavily on that these people know the song, at least passingly. Rating: 6

Would Eric and Lucy like it?: Finally, I don’t have to guess. I know they both love Modest Mouse. Rating: 10

Verdict: 60% of the time, it works, every time. Acceptable

“Breakin’ The Chains of Love” by Fitz and The Tantrums

Flow: Interesting choice. It’s a change, but it’s engaging. Rating: 8

Theme: Oh, hotness. Sweet hotness. Rating: 10

Pretension factor: Again, this is a problem of sound vs who knows it. But really, they’re on tour with Bruno Mars. Rating: 6

Will it play in the bar?: Yeah, sure. That thick baritone sax sound always seems to attract the listeners. Rating: 7

Would Eric and Lucy like it?: If they don’t, we’re gonna have a problem. But I can see Eric not being a fan. Rating: 6

Verdict: It’ll play, but people will think it’s Bruno Mars. Acceptable

“Wild Young Hearts” by Noisettes

Flow: There’s a bit of a pause, but it’s well worth it. The song picks up quickly. Rating: 7

Theme: I wish I didn’t have to include another Noisettes song, but I can never decide which song works better, so I always just put both in. It doesn’t bother me too much. Rating: 8

Pretension factor: Well, same as above, right? Rating: 6

Will it play in the bar?: Maybe even better than the other song. The guitar is more emphasized in this one. And it may have been in an iPod commercial (maybe?), so it may have instant recognizability. (Yes, I know that’s not a word.) Rating: 8.5

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: Lucy will definitely, and if Eric liked the other one, he will like this one more. Rating: 8

Verdict:  Done and done. It’s the hotness. Acceptable

“Trashcan” by Delta Spirit

Flow: Oh god, the lead in is so good, it barely matters what it follows. Rating: 10

Theme: Yes, and more. Rating: 10

Pretension factor: This song is in an ad for a popular show on FX, which means most people haven’t heard the song because they haven’t seen the ad, because they don’t watch FX. It’s not super pop-y, but it has that certain something. Rating: 7

Will it play in the bar?: I mean, probably, but I can’t say if many people would get into it. Maybe not at a sports bar. Rating: 6

Will Eric and Lucy like it?: Well, they like Legit, so I can only hope they know the song. I kind of doubt they’d like it. Rating: 3

Rating: Good for the playlist, perhaps bad for the masses.  Doubtful

“List of Demands” by Saul Williams

Flow: Eh. Not really working. Rating: 4

Theme: I’m not sure this is in the theme either, though it is jumping. Rating: 4

Pretension factor: A spoken word poet doing a music album with feedback and lyrics that require a course in race relations? Yeah, not accessable. Rating: 0

Will it play in the bar?: No. Rating: 0

Would Eric and Lucy like it?: Eric may like the music, but I don’t think either of them would keep the song. Rating: 2

Verdict: Total fail. Rejected!

“Bang Bang You’re Dead” by Dirty Pretty Things

Flow: Well, anything is better than the last song, and this works great as the final song. Rating: 7

Theme: A little more British than rest of the list, but it works, again, as the conclusion. Rating: 8

Pretension factor: Well, have you heard the song or the artist before? No? There’s a surprise. But the music isn’t terrible dissimilar to things available, so it’s not shocking to the ears. Rating: 6

Will it play in the bar?: Well, it’s a little loud, but yeah, no one would be offended. Rating: 6

Would Eric and Lucy like it?:  I honestly don’t know. I doubt Lucy’d be a fan, but Eric…maybe? Rating: 4

Verdict: Pretty thin, man. Doubtful