Top 5 One-Hit Wonders (by Joshua)

I’m not sure of my relationship with one-hit wonders. I obviously like the ones I’m about to present to y’all, but being keyed into the one-hit wonder scene is a conundrum for me: To say you’ve never gotten into the one-hit wonders is to say you’re not into pop music, which I ostensibly agree with for my music taste. But, not knowing these songs is reaching a disconnect with the culture at large that is simply unacceptable. Also, saying you don’t know anything about pop music is both erroneous and needlessly hipster, and I’m trying my best to get over my hipster phase. Of course, my hipster phase was listening to funk and soul from the early 70’s, not this lo-fi crap all you jackasses in the skinny jeans listen to.

So maybe I haven’t gotten over the hipster. But I do like some pop music, and I do know lots of one-hits that are badass.

“Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground

What’s not to like about this song? It’s 90’s to the MAXX. It’s so blasé it hurts, it’s musically minimalistic, and it has lyrics that are vaguely sexual and has a word Tipper Gore wishes wasn’t in the title. It’s the kind of rebellious anyone can get away with. I could get away with playing this song at an old folks’ home without them even batting an eye. Despite that, there’s something so alluring about the song – its boredom is so potent it’s attractive. It’s like the girl in your high school who hated everything and stood just off property smoking Pall Malls, deriding the local music scene for not being hard enough and spitting. Like, all the time spitting.

“Drift Away” by Dobie Gray

No one could ever possibly dislike this song. And fuck Uncle Kracker.

“Cult of Personality” by Living Colour

Um, maybe this may be racist, but was anybody else surprised when they found out these guys were all black? It’s a badass song. I always somehow associate the song with the 90’s despite the fact it came out in the late 80’s. It has that sound of funk and hard rock so popular in the 90’s (think Rage Against the Machine or Red Hot Chili Peppers), but really it’s just a harder version of Funkadelic. Not that I’m complaining, it’s so cool. It’s like a black Faith No More! Oh man, I should’ve included Faith No More in this list.

“Epic” by Faith No More

Oh, sweet, I did. It’s a primordial RHCP, and therefore it doesn’t have the polish they had, or the amazing opportunity of being able to work with George Clinton. But there’s still something there. Then again, I imagine once the Chili Peppers came out, Faith No More said to themselves, “Gentlemen, it has been a privilege playing with you tonight.

“Just a Friend” by Biz Markie

Wow. I had forgotten just hot ridiculous this song was. Why is dressed up like Mozart from Amadeus? Why does he rhyme like 60% of the time? Why is his flow akin to a Stravinsky symphony? Who fucking thought it was a good idea to let Biz Markie rap/sing a song? What the fuck.

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